What’s it like to plan for a vacation when you have an eating disorder? Well, you aren’t really planning for the vacation at all. You’re planning on ways to cheat the system and stay in control of your food and your secrets with your ED. Kinda the opposite of a vacation if you think about it.
I can’t tell you how much time, energy, and anxiety I wasted planning for events and vacations to make sure that I was “thin enough” or “weighed ______ amount” by the time the trip rolled around. Instead of being excited about where I was going, I was so worried and consumed with “How many days am I going to have to eat breakfast?” or “How am I going to make sure to fit in a workout?”
It’s sad when I think about all of those experiences that I lost out on. And crazy when I think of the former justifications that I used to think were necessary to “enjoy” myself. And happy when I think of all of how I don’t think I have to do that anymore.
When I went to Rome, I was recovered and eating all the food. Because gelato… duh. And because life’s too short to not eat spaghetti carbonara every day for 5 days straight (true story). And because I was finally able to have a good time and plan to have FUN instead of planning around my ED.
Does this resonate with you? What vacations are you looking forward to? And how are you planning for them when YOU are in control, not your ED?
xx Annie
P.S. check out our visual of the differences between planning for a vacation with an ED and when you’re recovered here!